Traveling is not always easy. Right now I am having a weak moment. I am worried about the future, haunted by my past and thus having problems focusing on the present. A friend of mine had said some unsettling things to me the other day, and I have yet to be able to shake their sting from my soul. What is it they say, “sticks and stones…” such utter nonsense that is, I’d take the stones any day. Sometimes I find it difficult to realize all that I am, or try to be, while in a foreign country. It can get a little lonely on the road, and when these moments happen it can get difficult to remember that somewhere, not too far away, I belong to a community, a family, friends, a school; even though not many people know it here, but somewhere someone does know my name. When I feel lonely during a long train ride, I try to keep as many pictures as I can on my iPhone and I start paging through them. Seeing the smiling faces, the times that have passed, brings sunshine to the chill that loneliness can bring. I think about what my friend are doing now, and I think about the USA and how it is starting to become summer and how that always had meant something to me. It doesn’t really mean anything to me now, because I feel so far away from it all.
After being back in the United States for a solid 10 days, I’ve come to the conclusion that that chapter of my life went by too quickly. I guess because it is this faraway place, it has the ability to seem less real than other chapters. Whereas, with things I miss or think about around here, I am reminded of them much easier since I am surrounded by them or pass by them regularly.
The night of our goodbye party, I mentioned in conversation that it is a sad realization that “this is the closest we will all ever be again.” My friends and I from this trip will probably never be in such close proximity at the same time, and as close again emotionally. There are always exceptions to the rule, but it is unlikely and that is a sad realization. For, there are not many times in life where you grow close with people and know for a fact that this will be as close as you will ever be, I guess when certain friends are moving or you are leaving you always assume that you’ll have the chance to be close again because you’ve had them part of your life for so long. With study abroad it is a bit different than that.
I guess that is what makes studying abroad such a highly regarded experience: for a short while you experience what it is like to live and create a world in another country, with different friends, different foods and life-altering experiences. For the most part, all of these experiences and ways of life are temporary-, which in a sense romanticizes the whole thing. Already, I have a tendency with nostalgia only remembering the good and forgetting the bad—oh sweet memory. As I think about the times from Australia, I remember them with fondness and appreciation more and more.
20 months ago I had a root canal and never had it capped. Before I left, I saw my dentist and was told that I needed to have it pulled. I wanted to get it done before I left, but unfortunately there wasn’t enough time to do it. My tooth started to bother me while I was done here, and so I decided to drop $400 on getting it pulled. It’s funny; I thought that by pulling the tooth the pain would go away. Now, I must take painkillers every 6 hours before the space starts hurting again. Pulling one pain only to deal with another. I thought that by pulling out this other pain, my mouth would heal in a couple of days and it would be like the tooth was never day. Boy, I was wrong. Not only does it hurt, but also sometimes I find myself putting my tongue there or forgetting before I bite and then dealing with the pain of the food hitting the wound or something like that. Eventually this new wound will heal, and I will become used to not having that tooth there anymore… and then, in the fall I’ll get a new tooth and one day I won’t even remember what it felt like to have the old tooth, or to have it pulled in the first place. I don’t like ending one pain to deal with another pain; however, that’s how it ends up working at times.
My friend Sarah, whom I went to high school with and she now goes to Princeton, is in Spain right now. She is studying in Sevilla. We are meeting up May 12th to begin a European tour. Well, we were talking last night and she was giving me good sound advice, and passed along some advice she has received: “A friend once told me that if you really want something, you have to be willing to lose it.” I couldn’t agree more with that.
Odds are if you really want something, whatever it is… you have to realize that it probably won’t last. Technology becomes outdated, people change, you grow and your interests vary. How do you know if you want something enough to lose it? I guess most people are afraid of relationships for that very reason, they already know, going into it that odds are they are going to lose it. So why even bother getting attached in the first place? I have my own feelings regarding that, but I’m not interested in getting into that right now. I’m just sharing the random thoughts that are jogging my brain right now. What Sarah’s friend said to her though, doesn’t necessarily have to have a pessimistic ring to it. It can also mean, if you decided to make a decision to go for something you want, you have to recognize the risks involved with doing that. Taking a chance isn’t always that bad, and it’s good to recognize the chance that you are taking. These thought processes can be very stressful. Personally, one of my favorite adages has always been, “he who hesitates, loses.” Because this has 9 times out of 10 proved to be correct.
Today, I’m trying to get my work done and I have actually been successful. I’ve mostly finished my first cinematography assignment, and I am going to work on studying for the exam I have next Tuesday. Tomorrow I am heading to Sydney with My and Steph.
Sydney is one of the main things I’ve always associated Australia with. I’m really looking forward to seeing what it’s like. It’s crazy; to finally see something you’ve spent your whole life imagining what it would be like. In first grade, my dad, my brother and I would play this game where we were given famous pieces of architecture from around the world and we would have to match up the pieces to its city. In first grade I was very impressed and interested in the Sydney Opera House and here I am, 15 years later and I’m finally going to actually see it.
Before I left, people would tell me, “Oh you’re going to love it. You’re going to have the time of your life there!” When people would tell me that, I never really believed it. I just didn’t understand how one short trip, to a place where I knew no one and had no idea what to expect could really be some of the best months of my life. Now, that I am actually living it, I totally understand what they had meant.
Before I left, I saw the movie Up in the Air and although I didn’t really like the movie, George Clooney’s character said: “If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life… were you alone? Life’s better with company.” The best moments are spent with other people; at least they have been for me. They may not be people you’ve been friends with your whole life, or people you’ll always be friends with, but all that matters is that you are there, together, fully loving and living in the moment.
Before I left, I didn’t know whom I was going to meet and I didn’t exactly know where life was going to take me. While I am here, I’ve been fortunate to have made some friends that have made these memories exceed just a good time and people to kill time with.
This weekend we went to Byron Bay and saw Australia’s most easterly point. There is something about being someplace that is the most of anything. Aren’t some of the best things when you are the most of that situation? Where you are the most happy, the most out there, living. We were standing on the edge of Australia, the edge of the world… or the world we live in right now. I’m the type of person, that as long as I am with some friends, it doesn’t matter where we are: we could be stuck on a plane for 13 hours, or at a club with the worst music in the world, I’ll still have a good time because I know that when the time is over it wasn’t about the music that was playing, the places we were or the talks we had at the time… it’s about being where you are and just fully experiencing it. I guess this time we are lucky, not only are we living in the moments as they happen, but we happen to be living these moments in the middle of the summer of a beautiful country. I might sound a little extreme, but I’m just trying to make the most of this… or be the most of whatever it is I am: happy.
Cheers to my friends here! Enjoy some of our best pictures:
Things have been going well. Better than well… they are spectacular. Everyday is literally an adventure, and although my friends and I have a lot of things planned, the times within these plans are so spontaneous and naturally fun that I have been spinning since Brisbane.
This weekend we explored a couple of beaches: Burleigh Heads and Broad Beach. Burleigh Heads was definitely my personal fave. I have a video, which will describe with better detail what I liked and disliked about each.
Tomorrow I’m going to be celebrating the Chinese New Year at an on campus event.
My friend Stephanie (She goes to Northeastern University and is a business major, originally from Mass. She is a picky eater, and a quick wit) and I were walking home from a fun girls night with My (She is Vietnamese and from both CA and Mass. She’s a psych major and goes to UMASS Darmouth, she and Steph went to HS together. She is a real character and a lot of fun). On our way home, these bats came out of the trees and scared us. My voice has disappeared; otherwise I would have screamed the girliest girl scream ever. The bats here are huge, as Steph said earlier: they’re like flying dogs. I’m terribly afraid of them, because they are scarier than rats (ones that peruse Boston). They are worse than rats because they are not afraid to fly into hair and start making a nest. I can’t imagine anything more terrifying. Can you?
Well, I’m going bats trying to do homework. I’m going to get to it, while uploading all of the footage I’ve been taking.
This weekend my friends: Anita (from Finland), Leigh (from Cleveland), Kristen (from Mass.), Stine (from Norway) and I all went to Brisbane for Saturday and Sunday. We took a train from Robina, which cost us a total of $5 each way.
An excerpt from my journal as we were on the train to Brisbane:
02/06/10
“Right now I’m on the train to Brisbane. It’s funny, I feel like I’m on a nicer version of the commuter rail in Boston. A trains a trains a train. If only the commuter rail could be as nice, would have made my commutes a couple of years ago much more bearable.
I just started thinking about age and how sometimes I don’t realize how young I am. But at times, it’s hard to realize because age is relative. Why should I realize it if I haven’t experienced anything else? Well, the obvious answer is of course through other people.
Another thought I had was about love and how love is maddening – just thinking of the things that I’ve done when enraged by love. Even now I could do crazy things for it, and I’m sure crazier things have been done. Things like flying half way around the world and spending insane amounts of money are a couple of things that come to mind. How many people have done these things only to be rejected? Or worse.. To find their love with a new love?
There’s an Asian woman of about 60-70s holding a girl of about 3-4. They look beautiful. I don’t want to forget this image… sitting on a train in Australia, looking to my right and seeing many people but being intrigued by the beauty of the woman and child. Looking ahead I see my new friends and the Australian countryside flying by me at a staccato rhythm. Just as I think it’s going to be a green field it turns into a brown swampland, Australia, you’re as inconsistent as my thoughts and words on this page. I love you for it. “
My video series regarding the trip:
Video 1: Accommodations
Video 2: Day Time Fun
Video 3: Nightlife
Video 4: Reflection
As always, for all of the pictures taken from the trip please click on me at the top left hand corner.
